After I got kicked out of the house for running an illegal baby-trade from my basement, I needed a place to stay. I didn't have much money, so I got a cheap apartment in the projects. Now, when I bought this apartment, the landlord forgot to mention a few minor details- the giant cockroaches, the racial tension, and the little imp that lived there.

I didn't know about my "roommate" when I walked in. But over the first few weeks, I noticed a few strange occurrences. For instance, the T.V. disappeared about 7:00 p.m. every Tuesday, but was always back at 8:00. Also, every time I opened the refrigerator, the potato salad would scream some Swahili profanities at me.

Then one night, I woke up to go to the bathroom, and a little creature was trying to steal my shoelaces. He saw that I had awakened and ran out of my room, and right into the refrigerator. I opened the fridge and got out the potato salad, sure enough, a tiny little imp was living in it. I pulled him out by the scruff of his neck and sat him down for a little talk. It turns out that the imp was an innocent victim of nature. He could only survive for three hours outside a bowl of potato salad. As for the missing T.V. it turns out he is a big "Matlock" fan.

So for the next few years, I lived happily with Morty (what I began to know him as once we became closer friends) in our apartment. I lived a relatively normal life, other than the fact that I couldn't eat potato salad or watch T.V. on Tuesday nights. There was also the occasional hogging of the bathroom - it takes imps forever to do their hair. But everyone has distractions like this, so I'm glad I moved in with Morty. It's just too bad he couldn't pay half the rent.